Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
