Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
