Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
