We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
