the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
