i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
