Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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