I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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