mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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