HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
