my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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