Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
