Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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