I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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