Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
