pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
