I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
