dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She bit a glass in half.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
