Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
