if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
