I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
