and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
