Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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