physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
