I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
