I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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