I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
only if we run a train.
done.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
