batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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