I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
