Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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