He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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