You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
