IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
