She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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