I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
