You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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