she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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