were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
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When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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