He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
