mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
