who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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