This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
