I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
