apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
