She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize