btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
