I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
