saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Fuck appropriateness.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
