Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
