Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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