apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Found your dick twin last night
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
