so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
