I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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