Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
