hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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