In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
