that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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