i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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