how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
