he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
