FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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