I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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