I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
