you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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