Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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