Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
