I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
