Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
