she woke up with a sticky ear
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize