Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
