i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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