birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
