youre lurking in front of me
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
