you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
