new low.... made out with someone while peeing
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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